M. AFZAN

Afzan, i just cant hold myself from crying when i heard you.

As if i felt how pain you are.

try too be strong to stay alive as long as you can.

don't ever give up hope.

i'll be right here, and your other friends praying for you.

when you said u were glad to have a friend like me, i should be glad to have a friend like you.

you will always be remembered and loved.

thanks for all this moment together.

thanks Afzan. :'(

nothing for you, and nothing for me

its been a while. i had a call. and you know, i was really terrified. one thing that i can't imagined the most is that knowing you are with somebody else. i was thrown far away, i just couldnt say. my eyes shed more tears a day. this is my confessions...

if i want to say, i better say it all. u were once i adored, i hoped nothing more than just you. people just promise as it was just words of emptiness hope. that u can never trust no more. what happen to 'love until i die'. all the tiny presents i had from you. i never had feelings with somebody how when i was with you. but that night, how you see me through. i saw, that your love is no longer mine. shes whats important now. im a hollow body, trapped in this world waiting for nothing to let me pass through here.

i better confess it now... how i hate to hear your voice.when i know it no longer bring me smile. tho i want to know how your doing just kills me right.

i better confess it now... how i want you to leave me. but i just couldn't stop looking at my phone hoping u give a beep.

i better confess it now... oh i just want you to throw the things i gave to you so you wont remember me that you will always hold me dear. as i just remove all the things i had with you somewhere i wish i couldnt find it near.

go... please go... dont reach me if you dont want to see me cry. im sick. so theres nothing for you and nothing for me. what i really want 1 year ago was my only one wish.

I'll be fine

So here I'm standing all alone, independently on my own
Looking down, staring at my toes
What's up my head nobody knows
I'm still hurt but that's okay, I was stupid, what can I say?
When it's all over, it rewinds

It never seems to come out right,
So we'll just walk away and I guess that's alright
And I'm always left confused but I don't mind
Now don't you worry I'll be fine

You're so convincing so I see, it's in the way you look at me
Your smile just somehow hypnotizes - to simply see truth in your eyes
So it's you I once adored, I'm not a little girl no more
Cause I am used to these kinda games, they come and go again and again

It never seems to turn out right,
So we'll just end it here and I guess that's alright
And now I'm all alone but I don't mind
It's better get away I'll be fine.

New Year!

New Year!

Azam tahun baru ini... let see.

- azam tahun lepas pun tak terbuat
- do i have too? its like a tradition bila setiap tahun akan berakhir
- wait, ur not even gonna make any change while just sitting at home. daaaaaaa..... sigh.
- mesti carik keje, thats what i have too.
- simpan doit lah!
- make physical change to myself, i think so? (buat faham2 je k)
- amek lesen semestinya!
- uh! uh! nak keretaaaaaaa please ayahhhhh... LOL!
- improve my amal ibadat. insyaAllah.
- jodoh? huff.....
- carik rumah :)

yeah i think i listed all of it. ngeh ngeh... baru pukul 1030 and im already tired! damn... haha
memang org jenis tak boleh bawak keluar punya. huhu

remembering my childhood memories

hi again, it's been a while. today i would like to tell you about my childhood past. and there you go a few shots when i was little. back then i was really cute ain't i. hahaha so perasan, sorry.

what can i say, yeah... i have a few big fans, all the uncle-uncle and makcik-makcik. hehehe sometimes they would rebut to carry me. LOL! my dad said, 'entah kenapa orang nak sangat dukung hawa tu, ibu ayah siap osom sebab tak larat angkat, TERLEBIH SIHAT lah katakan'. grrr... i took that as a compliment though sigh'.

i was the only girl in the family so why not put on some pretty things to her. and there you go a fashionista in the age 2yrs. some of my friends said, i dont look like malay, ok heres what they usually see me as ( chinese, mamak, philipine, siam, indonesian, arab, omputeh and sekian lanjutnya kalau boleh nak letak semua nama negara) because they dont see my face similar to my siblings. what?? im adopted now? hahaha no exactly. i came from a family from javanese (my dad side) and bugis (my mom side). i think i dont look like my parents too. i just have thier nose and smile. my parents would always like battle each other nak cakap muka ni macam muka masing-masing when setiap kali people would say something nice about me like 'comelnya muka diaaa' or even 'alolorh mata sape dia ada neh'. comon ibu.. dad.. you know im your only daughter. :)

asry, me, zuhry

grandpa :(

but time flew by fast now and im 20yrs already. i miss my atuk and nenek. looking at thier photos recently. your always in my heart and i'll never forget you.

ok people, always remember your childhood memories, it maybe funny, or horrible but i know it is something you dont wanna hilang it.

its precious.

live it.

i've lost a friend in my childhood, wish he was back.

aku bingung
aku sedih atau aku selamat?
semalam aku bersama kau
hari ni aku keseorangan
aku sayang kau
kau?
kau kena pergi kan
aku tau kenapa
hati aku perit untuk katakan 'ya aku lepaskan kau'
adakah selama ini aku di dalam permainan kau yang kau bina?
aku tak percaya kau bermain dengan aku
kau tak sanggup pilih
tapi kau perlu
aku tahu kau sayangkan aku
itu sebab kau bagitau
selamat tinggal

:(

Death.

I don't know what is it like to die. but i've had wish a many times.

Here's a friend of mine. He's close with me. Like a bestfriend, a brother to me... he had this disease. a lung disease.. I'm not sure what disease he's having. but I feel sorry for him. and I don't want him to go. I shouldn't say anything bad of someone.. but I could just say that we humans done so many sins. depends we realize it or not, or how big or small the sins are. he told me, he gave up searching something that he was longing for years. a LIFE. love for someone... he did find someone, but maybe not love. well afzan, don't even bother about it, she just can't see. You still have friends and family. Definitely even me... open your eyes... you are strong. and I want you to be strong for your own good. ok?

Everyone, do think if you want to do something. don't regret! I know I'm a brat, but since I've heard those words from him he made my eyes open. And death is not you really want to wish. Allah mengampunkan segala hambanya yang hendak bertaubat dan berserah. Allah menyayangi hambanya yang dekat padanya. LIFE is one of his miracle. appreciate it...

"Think of Allah, then you can see the world..."

together we can teach one another, we need everyone

trust me